How I got here

You could say that I followed my heart, and it would be true.

Straight and narrow ways are confining.  I figured that I could chart my own course, and would naturally become a brilliant success.  Instead, I found myself bumbling down well-trodden paths, unable to even see what kept tripping me up.  I messed up my thinking, my relationships, my work, making mistake after mistake in spite of every warning sign and every advantage that should have helped me choose better.

Then something awful happened--a worse tragedy than I could have imagined.  I was told the baby I was carrying would not live to be born.  Nothing could have prepared me for this.  I knew that I wasn't able to deal with this on my own resources.  My husband to be, my parents, and my friends said and did what they could to offer comfort, but were, like me, helpless to fix the problem .  My physicians offered no good options.  I was left with no answers, no hope, except one.

You could never have told me back then that facing the possible loss of my first-born would become the best thing that ever happened to me.  But when all earthly hopes fled, I was driven to my knees. 

I did not dare pray for miracles.  Others did on my behalf, and I am forever grateful for that, but I knew I didn't deserve any special treatment from God.  I had stopped my ears, closed my eyes, and walked away from him.  I was continually ignoring his blessings and his counsel.  All I could ask of God was the strength to get through this pain and loss. 

Jesus gave me what I asked for, and so much more.